Much has been said about the positive effects of gratitude creating in our lives. Learning to be grateful for what we have today and what we have had in the past strengthens us with optimism and joy that helps us achieve our goals.
For a long time, I generally accepted this idea but I had trouble finding something to be grateful for the "difficult" people I have discussed before. Whether they were colleagues at work, I had a disagreement with a close partner who interacted with me badly, strangers who made comments I saw as offensive, or someone else, I believed I was better off without having people in my life .
My attitude changed one day when I decided to sit down on the computer, run down a list of difficult people from the past and find something about every person I might be grateful for. The results were quick and deep. Even when I was only a few names down on the list, I began to recognize how much resentment I still held against those I mentioned. Continued my anger at difficult people, realized, took a real effort and put physical strain on my body. When I found something to be grateful for each person, I felt the pressure was releasing a little and little energy to burn me in doing my work.
I think this happens because when we look at what we have done better without someone in our lives going to our minds in a hopeless conflict with reality. Keeping someone angry allows us to renew our relationship with them in the impossible hope that we can change it for the better by tearing what happened in the past. We constantly survive the moment when we felt the other one disrespecting us, by consciously or otherwise "deciding" the past. When we see that an individual really gave us something to be grateful for and somehow better today because they came into our lives, we end spiritual war with them and make peace with the past.
On the basis of the gratitude work I have done for myself and with others, I would like to offer some examples of how difficult men contribute to our personal growth in such a way that they appreciate our gratitude. As these examples show, almost everyone we have come across has contributed, at least to a minor extent, to our growth. We must not accept all that they did and said, but acknowledging at least some gifts, with their contribution to being present, will greatly benefit our own inner peace.
1. They help us to reconcile ourselves with things that we have prevented. Contrary to people, we often force us to reduce the resources we have forgotten and even refuse to recognize what we have. In my old job as a lawyer, for example, I remember a couple of opposite lawyers I couldn't stand to deal with. I felt they were rude and too aggressive, but the problem with their flaws was how often I had to say "no" when I communicate with them.
Before joining the law, I was not very happy to deny people and I felt excited about my body every time I had to deny someone they wanted – even though I was doing it as part of my job . As I continued to force myself to say "no," I was increasingly happy with it. I even knew it was part of me that could say "no" without apology or explanation and contacting that part helped me to set healthy goals in my relationships.
2. They remind us how much we've grown over time. Remembering the difficult relationships we had had with someone long ago can tell us how far our development has come today. For example, I used to have a resentment against a woman who ended her close relationship with me many years ago. I believed she did it in a demeaning way and I became angry at her.
Today, when I think about the conversation where she broke up with me, I really feel peaceful and empowered. I see how personally I took what she said and how painfully scared I was to live without her, and I know I wouldn't react to that offense if it happened today. I am a stronger and more sustainable person now and although I enjoy intimate relationships I do not have to feel like a perfect person.
The memory of my last conversation with her serves as a progress report showing how much I have grown since. I am grateful to her because if she had never been in my life I would not have had a clear indication today of how far I had come.
3. They help us to admire ourselves to overcome obstacles. Difficult people help to improve our ability to face challenges, and when we face these challenges, we gain independence. I had a university professor, for example, who was known to be particularly strong in his rating. I probably spent more nights studying in the morning in their tests than I did for the other courses I compiled. I objected to my own expectations by getting to class.
Today, I like this man and his relationship with him as an example of how difficult and persistent I can be. I am grateful to him for helping me respect and admire me.
4. They help us make important life decisions. People who, in our opinion, "give us hard times" often help us to change our circumstances in a positive and satisfactory manner. For example, I know the number of people who changed their career, at least in part, because they were tired of dealing with what they saw as too demanding and criticizing officers. They may not have job satisfaction they have today if their old bosses had not been as strong in dealing with.
5. They help us see our opportunities to grow. Unpleasant relationships with people can make us aware of places we do not love or accept, and where we can develop greater gratitude and compassion for who we are. One example is the work I had when I was just from college. A woman in the office, who seemed constantly stressed and angry, called me "what your name" when I insist on doing things for her. I know very much when she called me that and I felt a burning sensation in my chest and upper back.
A few years later, when I was reflected in this memory, it occurred to me that I was so upset when she talked to me this way because I needed so much to be recognized by others. I needed people to constantly tell me I was important and praised my achievements, and then when this woman treated me like I was, I felt terribly anxious.
When I had this reality, I began to adopt practices to solve this need – to develop a sense of integrity, even without constant recognition from others. I did not have the peace I have today, if this woman whom I, irony, do not remember, would not have been there to show me where I was unable to accept myself and needed other "consent to feel completely And I can truly say I'm grateful that she got into my life.