All of us swallowed up many deeply wrong opinions when we were growing up and these beliefs now control much of what happens in our work and our relationships. It is sometimes challenging to ignore these main beliefs.
Below are some examples from my clients:
I have to give everything in touch and I need to be responsible for my emotions. If I don't, he'll go. "
Many clients I work with very well with administrator and invasive parents and learned to give them up in some areas and stand perfectly in others. Now they feel like they probably like someone they take responsibility for other emotions, depending on what the other wants, then what is often happening is that they feel they are experiencing the relationship and then they shut down and endure, which means that this is not the right relationship, or continue to give up and be angry that they do not get what they give. Without adult adulterer, ready to take responsibility for their own feelings instead of others, this pattern will continue. This belief is "Others are responsible for emotions – for me to feel comfortable and safe. "
" I'm not enough – not smart enough, attractive enough or good enough. Confirmation from others determines my value. "
When you believe that you are somehow not enough, you constantly try to prove that you are enough. Until you develop a loving adult that affirms you, you will continue to try to control it. to get another approval.
"My secret, talent, personality and / or talent are solid qualities. Working hard is pointless because I can't change these. If I fail, I'll fail. "
When children are told that they are very smart and talented or that they are stupid, they come to believe that efforts are pointless. and children who are said to be stupid believe that it is not a matter of test, it is important to understand that intelligence, competency and character are not certain qualities,
"I can only be happy if I am in relationship. "
This belief seems to be more common in women than men, although people are often taught that their joy and value come from their financial success, women are taught that their happiness and value lie in being When you have this belief, you put all your efforts to find the right relationship, rather than developing a love-to-heart relationship with yourself and your spiritual guidance. looking for a relationship to get something – love, affirmation, sex, security, approval, fun – rather than sharing the fullness of your own being, which you can only do when you learn to love yourself.
"I'm not safe."
Raymond, one of my clients, who comes from a very offensive background, keeps herself emotionally from people to be safe. As much as he would love to be in touch, he cannot be emotionally intimidated for fear of being injured. The only way he has been able to feel close is through sex and he is sexually dependent. As long as his inner child cannot rely on his loved ones to enable him to remain safe, he will have a close and emotionally close relationship and will continue to feel far, even in social situations with friends and family.
"If I'm perfect, I can control how others feel about me."
How often do you tell yourself that you need to do everything that is right and perfect and can get love? How much joy are you getting from life by trying to be perfect & # 39; rather than being yourself?
These are just some of many false believers who may be about your life. Step three of the inner work is about discovering the faith that may keep you happy, anxious, and stuck in your life. I urge you to explore your subordinates as you feel unwell – angry, depressed, angry, ashamed, and so on, bringing the truth from your Fourth Step guidance. When you, at step five, act on the truth, instead of being a false belief, you will eventually go beyond the control of this limiting believer.