Codependents often wonder what is normal. They are insecure and wonder how others perceive them. Many people tell me they don't know themselves. They have become people-farmers, change what they say and adapt their behavior to the feelings and needs of others. Some sacrifice themselves, their values, needs, wants and feelings, to someone they care about. For other coding limits, their behavior is about their addiction, whether drug, process, such as sex or gambling, or pursuing an opinion or power to ensure safety. Sometimes their accomplishments are meaningless. Both types of code restrictions suffer from self-study, varieties from true ones. They are disconnected from actual self. This is a emptiness that we believe when a relationship ends, a success is achieved, or a departure from an addiction. Here, code strings are called a "lost self" disease.
Denial of code endurance and true self
Ideally, our true self comes naturally to become an individual called "individual," so that we can identify our own feelings, thoughts and needs, desires, perceptions, and actions, separated from our family and others. A dispute individuation to varying degrees. Because consistency is a transgenerational, childhood forms a "false" code itself.
Most coders have a denial of this situation, for so long they have organized their thinking and behavior around something or someone outside. Some code elements cannot define their values or views. They are worshiped and can easily convince themselves to do things that later repent. In a conflict, they cannot ignore their views when challenged. This makes my relationships area, especially with a spouse who uses a projection as a defense and teaches or blames them for their own mistakes or behaviors. You may suspect you are injured, but when you are accused, you will be confused and doubt your own perception. You might end up apologizing for encouraging a violent attacker.
Upon recovery, we must relive who we are. What should have been a natural, unconscious, evolutionary process, now that an adult requires a conscious internal reorganization. Efforts are needed because the excitement is going into denial and external self-esteem. There are several levels of denial, from total pregnancy to minimization.
Many code restrictions are highly adapted to other feelings but are in denial of their own. They may know they are upset, & # 39; but can't name what they think. They may mention feeling, but optimizing or minimizing it, or the feeling is only known intellectually and not imagined. Often this is due to unconscious, intermittent disgrace from childhood. In relationships, coders feel responsible for the feelings of others. The focus is on their partner, and they often take more with their partner than with themselves.
They also deny their needs, especially emotional needs. In relationships, they sacrifice their needs to meet others. They can go without study, respect, affection or gratitude for months or years, not even realizing what they are missing. Usually, it is not a conscious choice because they do not realize their needs or believe they matter. They also deny their needs when they are alone. They may care for themselves physically and appear to be an atoning sacrifice for beauty or physical activity, but neglect of sensible and emotional needs.
The hardest challenge of many code is to define what they want. They are so used to making others happy and fulfilling their needs and desires, including their own children, that they have no idea what they want. They can continue to work or other regular behaviors, but never ask themselves what they want out of life. If they did, they made excuses and soon thought it was unchanged to make any changes.
What You Can Do
Some Things You Can Start To Do:
- Start a journal of your feelings, wants and needs.
- Ask yourself through the day, "What am I feeling?" Name it
- Set in your body. Know feelings and inner feelings.
- When you are down or uncomfortable, ask yourself what you need and meet your needs.
- Compare a list of what you want to do and what you need to do.
- What prevents you from doing what you want? Start doing what you want.
- Be authentic in your relationship.
It is easy to share in old habits and it can be difficult to encourage you to follow this recommendation. In addition, recovery can be monitored by anxiety and depression. Some people accidentally change alcohol or obsession to predict this. These are the reasons why it is so important to have a good support system, including 12-step meetings and treatment.
© DarleneLancer 2018