I have noticed, sometimes and unusual phenomenon: People offer them exactly what they are afraid of. In other words, how they have is exactly the way that brings them up as they say they rather do not experience!
Example 1: Fear of anger
Linda is afraid of anger. She is "afraid of death" that others are angry with her. Whatever this is because her mother is angry with her early or not, it does not matter. What matters is that she will do all she can to prevent others from being angry with her.
To achieve this "goal" she always behaves in a relationship as her spouse wants her to behave. And she volunteer volunteers at work to work more than others, just so everyone will resemble her so that no body gets angry with her for one reason or another.
But here's the force: She never keeps in touch, either with her family or with her close friends. This makes them angry at the time and again. Even when she realizes she has not contacted them for a month, she still does not contact and fear that she will be angry with her for contacting them before.
Example 2: Fear of Disappearance
Amy has taken an infinite workshop in her attempts to cope with her fear of rejection. Yet she never keeps in touch with her friends, either by phone or by e. mail. When asked about her, she justifies saying that she is "not equivalent to email" or "has not found time to call."
Most of her friends who have contacted her over the years have realized that they need to send it at least 2 or 3 a. mail until it responds or divorces its 2 or 3 calls until it dials again.
Some of those who became tired of "running after her" for so long have stopped trying to contact her. This makes Amy feel like "everyone rejects" her, but she is not willing to take responsibility for her behavior.
Why do people offer them exactly what they are afraid of?
Linda and Amy are "typical" examples of those who find themselves exactly what they are afraid of. They act exactly as boomerangs back on them, which means they feel exactly what they are afraid of: Linda does everything to make her angry with her, but Amy behaves in a way that keeps her emotions.
Lessons People Should Learn – But Not!
Why did people do it "to do it"? Why did not they learn what they should learn?
The reason is that many people are not aware of how they interact with others. Their fear draws them in exactly the way that causes them to be afraid of first place. This is how they "know themselves"; This is the "self-image" that they have created for themselves: Lose themselves as others are angry with; Amy looks like a woman who is always recovering. Both are afraid to change their lives, as they do not know "who will become if they change".
This sounds a little strange, but the truth is that many people are in line with the image they have developed for themselves, and even though this "self-esteem" hurts them more than they do not help tune their self-esteem behavior and make a change.
Becoming Awareness Of Your Unconscious
As examples of Linda and Amy show, such self-proclaiming rules keep on growing again and again. The problem is that those who act like Linda and Amy do it often without being aware of their behavior and for the reason to control them to have the way they do. This is how they know themselves. They do not know better.
In order to make significant and positive changes in their behavior (life, work and relationships), they need to become aware of what they have not been aware of until now.
The answer is:
* You make a conscious decision to look into and understand what drives You should have the way you do (that hurts again and again);
* You get courage to grasp the number of factors you may not have the courage to realize until now (for example, acting "offering" anger or rejection).
* You take time to reflect and reflect on the behavioral and attitude patterns you have used over the years. Such review allows you to understand what and when, "you've" achieved by behaving like you did. (As much as it might be a little ridiculous, your self-sabotaging behavior may be the way to get the attention of others – though negative!).
Being aware of what you were not aware of until now is the only way for you to start a conscious change in your behavioral patterns. Such a change will enable you to stop doing self-evacuation and free yourself from your fear of anger, rejection or fear has become part of the self-esteem you have created for yourself.