The question my aunt told us, children, was & # 39; How will you react when your mother dies? I remember thinking about the question and really wondering how I would respond. Many thoughts looked into mind, but aunt asked my aunt one by one.
& # 39; Oh, I will cry and cry. the first one.
& # 39; Yes, me too. I'll be so boring! & # 39;
& # 39; I will feel terrible and lonely, & # 39; was the third answer.
And then I turned around. & # 39; I do not know what I do, & # 39; I started. I think I'm waiting to see what Mom does when her mother dies and that's what I do when she comes.
My answer shocked everyone. How can you say that? & That means you do not really love your mother! & # 19; & # 39; Cold Answer! How can a daughter say something like that? "
I think I feel terrible. It was as if I had done a terrible sin. But I had told the truth, my truth. I could not imagine such situations and did not know how to respond. So I thought I would do what I had ever done before then when I did not know anything; I would learn from my mother.
Everyone was very upset with my answer. The aunt who had our inquiry was outraged.
Then my father, who usually never participated in this conversation, said slowly: "19459004 ] I'm sorry but I do not understand what's wrong lu. Jessica just said something very logical. When it's something she does not know, she looks at her mother to learn from her. She only replies that she has her mother as her model. & Nbsp;
Not even the father of the words could convince others. To them I was just an unacceptable child who did not really love her!
Today I clearly understand my own answer better. What it actually meant was that I had no chance to study and develop some opinions on this issue yet. For some reason, I did not gain faith that could lead me and waited for a new experience. As human beings, we see all the world and interpret it on the basis of experiences and lessons that we have had until the moment. Our interpretations can then be confirmed (or not) with more experience or lesson. If they are confirmed enough, we will in time turn to faith. If our interpretations are not confirmed, they will not crystallize in faith. They will not have enough support. Once faith has been established, its system becomes more subconscious until it fully integrates into our system.
As we grow up, we learn how to choose something of our own faith. We make it a little more conscious and from many other sources, so the change becomes something more controlled. We reason more and start to ask our own interpretations. But like children, most of us lack the ability to ask our interpretations and even our sources. We only accept the lesson because the source they provide is strong enough for us.
There is one exception to this pattern. Both, like children and adults, you can also create an attitude when strong feelings are present. So if we are significantly affected by something, this feeling can lead to an immediate new review or to change someone before. In the example above, I had ever seen an important loss for this conversation, I could already make some opinions about death. As it had not happened and there had been no interpretation, I had no previous faith to rely on.
This is a human process that we all use to create and validate our faith. As children, our first attitude is created by repetition, by repeating the confirmation of the interpretations we take from the safest source: our elders. If the source is not as strong as in cases of abuse, acceptance, negligence or others, the child could not develop solid faith and feel insecure or shock. When attitudes are determined in youth and firmly attached to our subconscious mind, they become less obvious, stronger, and harder to analyze and change. Therefore, some of the recognized attitudes shape our lives without being aware of their great importance.
Faith is then a bit like a language. Our mother tongue is approved. We learn it in youth, investors many, many hours of our lives to gain it. We do not look at it. We do not learn that as such. We do not make conscious effort to understand and understand. It grows into us subconsciously. The second or third language we usually learn. We'll learn them. We must understand their rules and how they work. We invest time and work hard to master them. Over time, these other languages can be used by us and become a convenient communication tool. Furthermore, opinions are also like language in another way. Without continuous use, language is forgotten as fast as it was originally learned. If you get the language as you grow up, it will take you many, many hours of absolute downtime to master at the same time as to forget about it. If you learn a language later in life, you must invest a lot in courses and courses, but never as many hours as you invest in a native language and you will forget about it at the same rate as you learned. Yes, faith is a bit like that. We have the first children in childhood and learn more when we grow and the ones we confirm the longest, they are harder to change. Thus, acquired views have been more integrated and subconscious than others we learn as adults. Faith and language are endless tasks.
It can therefore be concluded that a change in recognized attitudes is much more difficult than changing learning. Actually, it's usually so. While there may be some exceptions when emotions are involved, changing familiar attitudes usually requires a lot more work than changing classes. A good, systematic process helps both of us.
The next time you speak your own opinions, do not give up and remember that some of them might be a bit harder to change because they took a longer time to study.
Enjoy life, all that,