Talking sex and sexual problems with adolescents can be a difficult task, especially for parents. The way the media show sex and sexuality have shaped a social perception and created openness that was much muted when I was a young woman. When my daughter was ready to attend primary school, I found that we had to discuss the implications and risks associated with sex. My daughter had already told me about a 14 year old girl she knew was pregnant and a thirteen-year-old teenager who had already received STD twice. This last part of information had been collected in the Sexual Curriculum for the school district that was used as part of health & # 39; in the sixth grade for children whose parents take leave for their child to attend the course.
Opening and maintaining a common discussion between teenagers and parents is very important as most teenagers are somewhere between adolescence and adulthood, meaningful and emotional no matter what their time series is. Serious discussions, especially regarding people or social emotional issues, must be approached carefully. The key is not to avoid teenagers by minimizing the value of their knowledge or experience, being temporary rather than challenging, not a lecture and taking them in the discussion. Parents need to listen as well as talk no matter what the topic is to have with their sons and daughters.
To make sure I was well informed and able to undertake this project, I did research on the Internet and in the local public library. I gathered information from the local section of the Planned Parenthood and the County Health Department. I got statistics about teen pregnancy, single parents and other information from the Kansas Kids Count book. All states collect statistical data by city, state, town and provide information through some sort of written source. At that point, I was ready to sit down and try to talk to my daughter, hoping she would not be too shame to talk to her mother.
I waited until my son, ten of those days, was in a camp with his Boy Scout group. My husband won another shift and was at work. I was watching a movie with my daughter on television and I freely introduced the boys and asked if she had a boyfriend. I was well aware that parents are often the last to know when a child has his first boyfriend. Although my daughter does not have a boyfriend yet, she added that she did not want boyfriend because they expected the girl to give up all her friends, they did not want them to regularly get friends who wanted sex, whether it was oral or physical coordination. She had learned this from a close girlfriend who had to deal with her first boyfriend and had hired my daughter, needing someone to talk to.
This was the opening I had been waiting for. Firstly, I told my daughter that I was not trying to insinuate that she had been involved in heavy petting or sex and I was not trying to make sure she had the necessary tools and knowledge if she were always attracting the man physically or emotionally. I told her to jump in and correct me if she felt I was wrong or misunderstood about anything, to let me know if I made her uncomfortable and share information she could have because I was not going to lecture or endure.
I talked about the length of many boys would go to get physical, including telling the girl that he loved her and would never cheat on it and if she loved him, she would engage in sexual activity with him or threaten to break up with the girl if she would not give in to her sexual progress. My daughter added that a peer would also have been experienced by having a husband say to her friends and male peers at school that they had "oral sex", an act that did not even happen.
This led to a discussion about how a girl could respond to a similar situation. I was compassionate about what the other girl was going through saying that this lie had to be very painful for the girl. I also explained that many kids, in their teenage years, often liked to defeat their sentences, wherever it is real or indirect, to convince people about their sexual activity. We discussed some options a friend of my daughter could take, including watching the boy and some of his friends who could make progress or clear comments, telling the boy that she is sorry to lie to find important, or tell him that she does not even dignify his lie with a response.
My daughter replied that if she did her, she said to her husband and in front of her friends, "maybe in your dreams" with high sarcasm. This was a good example of bravado teenagers, something that could keep my daughter and other youngsters in good shape. I agreed to create trouble for the young man could win. By having a mutual and open window from the start, I could mix a plethora of information. My daughter added some mini-cups and asked some very intelligent questions.
At one point, I stressed my daughter that I rented her for a marriage and that I was not condoning sexual activity outside of marriage. I added that I was aware that I would not control any decisions she would make about sexual activity or when she chose to become sexually active and my main goal was to prepare her for it. We discussed different sexually transmitted diseases and their symptoms, even though the children in society had received some of the information during the sex period.
My daughter came up with peers who took precautionary measures to prevent unwanted pregnancy because the man did not want to be preventive. I was then able to let her know that the sexual myth & # 39; that many unskilled teens believe they are perfect desires. This myth using the rhythm method would significantly reduce the likelihood of unwanted pregnancy, such as having a young person reduce the girl's body before ejaculation and find out when the fertile part of the girl's cycle with body temperature, etc. to make sure they did not introduce sex at the time.
I was asked about verbal sex and if the ceremony was sex in itself? My answer was yes, it was a sexual act that served to protect the boy from having a girl getting pregnant but it is depressing for the girl and respectlessness. The girl may still suffer from arrhythmias such as herpes and chlamydia and AIDS, as could the boy, depending on the liquidity of both parties in the past. It was in the discussion of sexual intercourse that I learned that a number of my daughter was involved in the sexual act as a way to "enjoy their boyfriends and not become pregnant."
I talked to my daughter and later my son about different types of love, including heart rhythm, hormones, lusts, love for one of the opposite sex that was not sexual and a deep emotional love that accompanies the development of adulthood. I explained that relationships of any age can rarely last for some time if it is based primarily on gender, which is also one of the main reasons, there are many relationships in divorce or separation and abandoned if the couple is not married.
Lastly, I asked my daughter to consider all decisions in the future that she might consider evaluating sex very well, considering all the pros and cons. To use protection as a way to avoid meningitis and to combine the use of a preventive foam or other contraception that can be prevented or damaged. I also told her that I knew she would never come to me with information that she would take part in sex but I would let her twenty-six and six-year-old half-sister know that she had permission to help her take a pill with a pill at the time. I provided information that withdrawal is the only guarantee that she would not get STD or become pregnant.
Few teens will tell parents any plans to participate in sex. It would be too native and too "not cool" and could lead to the parent / child relationship and parenting, which is very important for adolescents, although they can not acknowledge it aloud. And it's unaware that most parents, like me, would not want to know. But at least I knew I had made my daughter for the most possible and that her choice was finally.