1. That you can get somewhere positive by conveying something negative.
When we try to improve our lives by overcoming some of our factors (for example, "old, unwanted behavioral patterns," or repeated "self harm"), who's exactly who's working?
One of the most ending and unfortunate mistakes to come out of personal growth movements (especially "Monster Power Growth" version of it) is the idea that we all contain a "strong self" that can train to force our subjugation "weak self". It is quite understandable that almost all of us develop this dad. Human beings have attempted to make meaning of their inner conflicts, their affinity to the light or the dark side, with the conflicts of virtue and guilt, for tens of thousands of years long before the invention of a personal growth course, as far as we know.
The easiest way to allow personal change and growth is to include – not to exclude or overcome – whatever it does that does not work in our lives. We can admit that unwanted patterns of behavior are simply old solutions that have accidentally left their utility. Indeed, as we pass this – when we seek to take an active part whatever it seems to cause us the most pain and frustration – the experience of adopting and changing even long patterns will be safe, fun and rewarding. Our old pattern is much more available for easy, comfortable change when we do not fight against them. Indeed, when they are properly influenced, we find that old, unwanted behavior usually strives to change itself. It's like they want to catch up with us and it makes wonderful and defeat free, return.
2. That people who take "the least resistance" in life are sick.
Everything in the universe is compatible to move and edit with at least one URL. All-electrons, between galactic clouds of hydrogen gas, white mice and melting ice. There are no exceptions. So it's curious and odd that for humans, the words "taking the path of the least resistance" are usually thrown out like in annoyance. Now we are all getting better better about this. One is rarely happy with the need and intensity of someone else's difficulties. Yet, who are we, anyway?
3. Fighting us shows strength and building nature.
Some of the terrible words are: "At least I respect myself enough to despise me." Proper independence is always the courage to be in life and the universe. It offers the best for and from others. Too little self-esteem causes other men to want to reduce care and support. They can not but find it at any level. There is an ancient instinct in our hunter-DNA collector, which is not quite known to protect the welfare of all groups. The instincts can be abandoned, and it is often, but doing this requires energy and work. Proper self-esteem is never expensive or uncomfortable to anyone. And it's almost never fatal.
4. The example of condemning and disregarding our parents.
Almost all Western psychotherapy is somehow seeking to understand customers from their parents. This movement is in the wrong direction. If we want to know what would be out of touch if we put our parents in a giant blender and then click on the Frappè button, then the answer-we would be available. We are exactly this particular combination.
Our broadband connections to life flow – the cable docks themselves, such as saying – happen to them. Not personally, necessarily, but certainly energetic, socks are where they are. We can deny this, but then we have to live on dial-up. When we deny parents, we deny ourselves and cut ourselves from the sources of strengths in life. This never has a good effect. If our parents are dangerous, crazy or poorly bored, it's probably a good idea to stay away from them physically, but this is not the same as disregarding them.
5. That you as an intelligent adult never wanted to never pull up your life to prevent something bad from happening to someone else for 100 years (just to talk about traffic numbers).
As it turns out, this seems to be exactly what all of our men seem to do more than anything else. We are all used to ensure that we experience some version of the tragedies and unresolved loss of family members who came to us. As long as we experience their pain, or something like that, we hope to give our families a better past, which it follows very logically, will allow us to experience a better present and future for ourselves. This is a complicated business and very seductive. When our pain now gives us evidence that we are on our way to the past and future happiness, we go into the deep and deep faith in safe and loving family help. As crazy as this sounds, this is what we do and are somewhat confused until we begin to reach. There is never a good way to show respect for anyone.
6. That the past is a mistake version of a better future.
The future is not perfect or better past. Our experience as a human being, whatever this implies at the moment, always represents the best living life our systems have achieved. We are all dealing with totally mysterious and painless genetic patterns, which we combine them with a bafflingly deceptive meaning and attitude we create for ourselves. However, there is a lot of mess that may seem to be, it's truly a creative, positive and loving solution that we could find for us (and for all those who participated) at the time of unwanted pattern cluster became stable and difficult to change. Truly, we are all doing the best we can with what we have and with what we had.
7. It is now the only time it is.
Being in the present is wonderful and useful. It is an essential art, an important factor in changing our relationship with ourselves and in our lives. However, for people living in time / space, the future and the past are real too. Properly created, an active future activates our choices so that it appears in the manifestation of anti-retrospective withdrawal of the past. There is no substitute for having a good relationship with our future and past. After all, now we are our future past, are not we?
8. That your brain should think about how you feel.
The main features of our brains are to filter everything that does not fit their own ideas about what fits their ideas. Therefore, it is always very busy, not aware of things. However, it is good because it provides us with a stable, more or less predictable world where we live.
To make the experience of being even more enjoyable, there are older and reliable parts of our brain – our animal welfare services, who do not even know they are human beings – just one important performance indicator, one way to tell if they are do a good job. This part of the brain does not reflect, analyze, create, form or speak. It is simply there to establish and maintain a relationship between this and that. No matter what this and these are, as long as the organization is intact. That's how it does not matter about the subject of our human experience; It's not the same that the content (the association between this and that) does not change. Consequently, his most important indicator is the answer to the question: "Are we still dead?" If the answer is no, know to proceed with what it has been done. If this happens because we are miserable in life, at a human level, then this is not the problem, nor its concern.
Our whole is not meant to think about how we feel. We had to think about how we feel.
9. This positive change will inevitably lead to more positive changes.
Most very wonderful, positive change can always lead to feeling bad again. There are some beautiful ways to deal with this unfortunate side of being human, so it's not always always true, good change ways to feel bad. However, for most of us, learning to allow a wonderful change to be positive takes a little workout. This is what we call "ecology of personal growth". It's quite an art form, and a very valuable thing to learn.
10. That our personal thoughts and feelings do not affect the experience of others.
Everything we think and feel affects all of the space all the time. We really have such a big impact. May feel like this is never bad. Learning to know and use this power is many lifetimes & # 39; respectful creative journey. Overall, this is pretty good news.
© 2008 Carl Buchheit and NLP Marin